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Wednesday, May 09, 2012

This is for the new moms

Ah yes, it's Mother's Day soon. I myself am not a big fan of the holiday. Why one day? With the amount of shit mothers do EVERY DAY we should be put on a pedestal and carried around forever. But I digress. So many of my friends have had babies this year. Obviously 2011 was a slow time. That said I thought since I have been there and done that with my 20 year old son, I will pass along some words of wisdom. Yes you may call me Momma Yoda.
#1 Don't worry about where your baby/toddler is going to go to school. By the time he or she is old enough, you won't be able to afford it. And at the rate we are going electronically, everyone will be homeschooled in the future.
#2 FOR GOD'S SAKE, Stop wasting money on classes. Yes ANYTHING music, art, dance, sports. Parents we do this for 2 reasons. One is to live vicariously through the child (Yeah I know, you could've been the next Jeter, Picasso, Springsteen if ONLY your parents trained you.) Two, we all need a reason to get the fuck out of the house every once in awhile. Hire a sitter, go to the movies, see a play. Save the money for when you can't afford school. (See above)
#3 Spend quality time with your kid. Simple yet so true. The best memories I have with Layne include our drive to elementary school every morning. We'd talk, listen to music or just drive. It was magical. So much so that when our neighbors wanted to carpool I had to decline. I was then forever known in the neighborhood as Bitch Mom. And before you say it, yeah I still am.
#4 LOVE THEM and realize that no matter what you do, your child will become the person they are supposed to be. It's explains why Barack Obama became president and why Donald Trump became well Donald Trump. Still so many times I think to myself, what could I have done differently to help him along. Make him happy forever. Sadly life isn't happy ever after. Damn fairytales!

You know what I did EVERYTHING, I was THAT mom. PTA, Little League, barbeques. From the moment the bell rang on Friday till Sunday evening there were kids at my house EVERYWHERE. I squeezed so many straws into juiceboxes I should be sent a lifetime supply. Now I look back at the whirlwind that is raising kids and think, how did we all get out of that in one piece? As I deal with an adult son and my friends deal with their little ones I pine for the days when he was small. I miss it yes, glad it's over absofuckinlutely.