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Sunday, December 11, 2005

The King of Comedy

I was just starting out as a comic when my friend Jonathon Solomon and I went to see Richard Pryor's first concert film in Times Square NYC. We were the only white and jewish people there. But no matter. This man had the entire theatre laughing so hard that we were all one. That's how good he really was.
Years later I am on the stage of the Comedy Store in LA. A massive man approaches me and tells me that Mr. Pryor would like to speak to me and he brings me over to him and Mitzi Shore, who owns the club. He was very weak so I lean into him and he says to me "You're very funny". I was speechless. This man is my idol and he just said WHAT?
All my years as a "dirty" comic I always tried to keep it funny while saying it as nasty and truthful as possible. It is my homage to Richard.
Rest in Peace
and keep 'em laughing wherever you are.

Friday, November 18, 2005

4th dumbest state in the union

Before I start, let me say that I know my kid is bright. Good grades are expected of him. He gets nervous if he smells a B near his report card. That said, I live in Nevada, which is 47 out of 50 in the Smart State award. We are the fourth dumbest state in the country, since most of our brain is leaking out as we stare numbly at a slot machine.
I figured out why we're so dumb. It's the people running the school district.
I was invited to a PAAL (parents as academic leaders) meeting with our PTSA president. She wanted to bring up the recent shooting of one of our kids' school buses on the way home from school.
We get to the meeting and I swear it was a giant pep rally for "We know we suck but we're gonna do better!" And they had color coded graphs!!! They were so proud!
Obviously that's what is wrong with public education.........NOT ENOUGH COLOR CODED GRAPHS. I'm sure if we just added those to our kids' lives the test scores would rise to the heavens.
But getting back to the bus shooting, we didn't even get a chance to bring it up.
The powers that be were too busy cheerleading. If only the children on the bus had their graphs with them...they never would've been shot at.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

morning sucks

It is 6 am,it's cold outside, it's still dark and can someone please explain to me why the fuck children have to be at school at 7 am??????
This helps noone. Layne doesn't even become human before noon and he's straight A's. What about the kids below the reading curve? How do they fucking survive......oh that's right Mickey D's is always hiring. Why try to be smart? Stupidity is in.....you can even rise to the highest job in the land. And noone will call you out about it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

great review from the Review Journal

Thanx to Anthony DelValle for giving me such a glowing review and I didn't even bribe him. You can also see another review at Backstage.com under the title "Momming Around"

Friday, October 21, 2005

What happens here gets censored here

I have been performing my one show all over the place. We have had a great run so far in LA and NYC. So much so that the show be back in NY in December and LA early 2006. Right now I am performing 7 dates for CCSN Cheyenne campus in Las Vegas.
Here's where it gets interesting. If you go to appearances on my website www.carolemontgomery.com you'll see the poster designed for my show. Well someone in the "higher up" department at CCSN decided the poster was too risque and banned it from the school. Here in LAS VEGAS!!!! Where there are butts on taxis(I starred in that show) and ads for strip clubs on the way to school. you gotta love the hypocrisy.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

off to Boston

I am flying to Boston on the redeye so if you're in that town, I'll be hosting the "Women's Show" at Nick's Comedy Stop Friday, then I'm in the Sierra Mist All-Stars at Nick's on Saturday. Hey whatever happened to the good old days when you just did a comedy show and not a theme?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Just when I thought I was out.....

This has been a busy week for me. Hence the reason for no posts. My son Layne is back in school, there was a big open house and pta membership drive and oh yeah, I went back to working with the naked chicks.
As with anything with life when it's time to move on you try to go. So here I was living just like the suburban mom I am, when my past comes by and says, just one more time Carole.
After 8 years of working in topless Vegas shows, you get immune to what you are actually doing. We're selling sex of the visual kind.
Plus, my son was a baby back then, he's a teenager now. Meeting the girls backstage has a "bigger" meaning than it did let's say a year ago.
When he first met the dancers he was four. I brought him backstage (yes they were covered) and they just fawned over him. When we left he said beaming "Mommy I really like those girls!"
Now he's thirteen and he doesn't want those breasts for the milk anymore.
If only the audience knew that after making them laugh about fucking and jerking off I was up at 6 AM spreading.........
pb&j on bread for my son's lunch.
Ya gotta love Vegas!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

school's back!

So I'm dropping off my kid to school and as he's crossing the street some cellphone driving mom in a minivan almost swipes my kid! Easily 300 lbs. I mean it, she couldn't even get out of her "mom bus" to fight me - after brushing the powdered sugar from of her Hilfinger knock off. Remember, it's a school zone no less! Obviously her precious cargo was much more important than mine and had to make it to school that much earlier. "I'm trying to hurry, but there's so many kids in the way", she yapped into the ear of oh, I don't know, her AA sponsor? Of course had she hit my son neither kid would've made it to school. And I would have ruined her MAC face.
Here's an idea. How 'bout you don't stop at Mickey D's to stuff your face and maybe get your kid to school on time? Get off the freakin phone and realize there are other people out in the world!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Welcome!

Here's where you'll find my ramblings on life, love and raising a child with Las Vegas as a backdrop.
You can also find out where I'm doing my one woman show
Confessions of a PT&A Mom or where I'm doing my standup.

Standup
Sept 15-17 Boston Comedy Festival
Oct 2-11 NYC Underground Festival

PT&A MOM
Sept 22 at Face up Gallery/Cricket Studios in the Arts Factory LAS VEGAS
7 PM
Oct 5 Medicine Show Theatre 549 West 52nd Street 3rd floor NYC
7 PM

Email for reservations ivorygirl@att.net