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Friday, September 14, 2012

He's leaving home

Just yesterday I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. 8lbs 7 oz. 22 inches long all his fingers and toes. A beautiful healthy baby. Holy shit did he blindside me. I never thought I could love anything as I much as I did that baby boy. Well guess what? Said baby boy is 20 years old and moving out. Away from home. I've had good and bad days since he told me he's leaving. I'm sad alot.
Life is changing again after 20 years.
20 years of taking care of him. Feeding, clothing, bathing...wait I stopped that when he was toddler.
That's the wine talking.
I look around and see so many friends in the midst of it all and how frazzled they all look.
The baby years: When all you do is look at this thing you and your hubby made and wonder at the miracle of it all. They are totally dependent on you.
The toddler years: When they take their first step away from you and become their own little person the first time they say no.
The child years: The most fun years where everything they do is done with such joy
The tween years: The aforementioned joy is now DRAMA at every waking moment. You start thinking why did I become pregnant?
The teen years: I was lucky, he was a great teenager. But for the rest of you... You really start worrying, who is this satan's spawn I gave birth to?
And then just like that, they leave. No warning at all.
"Mom, it's time for me to go"
7 words that broke my heart, sniff
I guess this is what we're really supposed to do as parents.
Push them out of the nest and see them fly. I really don't know how birds do it. I bet when no one is looking there's a group of canaries drinking out of a spiked water fountain lamenting the loss of their chick.
Look I KNOW it's the right thing but it's like one day we were driving along at this fast clip and suddenly screeched to a halt.
I DON'T WANNA STOP MOTHERING!!! I like it too much. Everything about it. The dirty faces, the spills, the fights, the tears, the birthday parties, the house full of noisy kids after a little league game. I could go on but you get my point.
So to my son Layne, the light of my world, go out and soar kid, show 'em what you're made of. I'm already so proud of you.
Kick ass, be safe and don't forget to call your mom sometimes.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

This is for the new moms

Ah yes, it's Mother's Day soon. I myself am not a big fan of the holiday. Why one day? With the amount of shit mothers do EVERY DAY we should be put on a pedestal and carried around forever. But I digress. So many of my friends have had babies this year. Obviously 2011 was a slow time. That said I thought since I have been there and done that with my 20 year old son, I will pass along some words of wisdom. Yes you may call me Momma Yoda.
#1 Don't worry about where your baby/toddler is going to go to school. By the time he or she is old enough, you won't be able to afford it. And at the rate we are going electronically, everyone will be homeschooled in the future.
#2 FOR GOD'S SAKE, Stop wasting money on classes. Yes ANYTHING music, art, dance, sports. Parents we do this for 2 reasons. One is to live vicariously through the child (Yeah I know, you could've been the next Jeter, Picasso, Springsteen if ONLY your parents trained you.) Two, we all need a reason to get the fuck out of the house every once in awhile. Hire a sitter, go to the movies, see a play. Save the money for when you can't afford school. (See above)
#3 Spend quality time with your kid. Simple yet so true. The best memories I have with Layne include our drive to elementary school every morning. We'd talk, listen to music or just drive. It was magical. So much so that when our neighbors wanted to carpool I had to decline. I was then forever known in the neighborhood as Bitch Mom. And before you say it, yeah I still am.
#4 LOVE THEM and realize that no matter what you do, your child will become the person they are supposed to be. It's explains why Barack Obama became president and why Donald Trump became well Donald Trump. Still so many times I think to myself, what could I have done differently to help him along. Make him happy forever. Sadly life isn't happy ever after. Damn fairytales!

You know what I did EVERYTHING, I was THAT mom. PTA, Little League, barbeques. From the moment the bell rang on Friday till Sunday evening there were kids at my house EVERYWHERE. I squeezed so many straws into juiceboxes I should be sent a lifetime supply. Now I look back at the whirlwind that is raising kids and think, how did we all get out of that in one piece? As I deal with an adult son and my friends deal with their little ones I pine for the days when he was small. I miss it yes, glad it's over absofuckinlutely.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

And now he's 20

I have always blogged about my son's birthdays. Something about the passing of another year with him makes me reevaluate my own life. Fuck New Years, here's when I reassess. I have a child now who is in his third decade and yet I still look at him as a little boy. Just yesterday he was reaching for me, now I'm reaching for him. How did this happen? Oh yeah, I blinked.
A good friend of mine just had a baby and while I'm thrilled for her I realized THAT part of my life is over.
All the boo-boos, all the little league games, all the school projects gone, just like that. No warning at all. I loved being "that mom". The one who had the kids over, who ran the school functions, who baked the brownies. God I loved making brownies.
I have had to readjust my life again. And just like a whiny toddler, I don't wanna. I was so wrapped up in my son's life that I never prepared for the inevitable. He's an adult, he has his own life. It takes every power of my being not to hold onto to his leg as he leaves every day to live his life. I'm lucky, at the moment he is still living at home but it's only a matter of time before he's on his own. So to my friend who just had a baby and all my friends with little ones, hold em tight but loosen your grip slowly. That way it may not hurt as bad. And when it eventually happens to you, come on over, I'll make brownies.

Monday, January 02, 2012

So Long 2011 and Good Riddance! By Carole Montgomery AKA NationalMOM

It’s almost New Year’s and it’s been a challenging year to say the least. New
year’s eve is the night we are so hopeful, so full of not knowing what is going to kick our
ass in the coming year. And then there are the amateur drunks, LOTS OF THEM
coupled with the billion tourists who MUST SEE THE BALL DROP. Hey midwesterners,
it’s a fuckin glass ball. I live in midtown Manhattan with a direct view of the ball drop. It’s
gotten so bad, they start closing off my street to traffic at 6 PM. My husband and I flee
town faster than Lindsay Lohan dropped her clothes for Playboy. AND we can handle
our alcohol.
I always work NYE with one stipulation. I am offstage BEFORE midnight.
Nothing is worse then counting down to the new year holding a cheap noisemaker
and a cheaper glass of champagne onstage while trying to do your act. Especially if
you’re in the middle of it when the clock strikes twelve. I might as well stand there
naked to get their attention at that point and really, I don’t want to do that to anyone!
Then all hell breaks lose, “We MUST have a good time or 2012 will suck!” is
the mantra. The drinking toasts begin and go on and on. Kissing someone as the ball
drops is a beautiful thing. That said, kissing the porcelain god should NOT be one of
your resolutions.
And lo and behold, the new year begins. “This will be a better year”
becomes the rallying cry. “I’m gonna change, lose weight, stop smoking”. Somewhere
around January 5 we go back to who we were just a scant week ago. Cause in the end,
we’re just human. And NYE is just another day.